Calm Down Techniques: Parenting Edition
When we become parents, a lot of our attention and time goes to our kids. This is normal, but it is important to remember to take care of yourself too! We often solely focus our attention on how to calm our children and forget about calming ourselves. We focus on how to teach them to calm down when angry or upset. How to help them during big outbursts or tantrums. We forget to practice these skills ourselves. It is important to find ways to calm our own bodies down too. It not only helps to model the skill of calming down in a healthy and productive way, but it also helps us to react in a more effective way towards our children when they are upset or frustrated.
I know that for me, I really have to remind myself to do this. Life is busy. Things can feel chaotic and move quickly. I focus a lot on my kids practicing calm down techniques, reminding them of these skills before an activity, and following through when needed. I tend to forget these same skills myself. When I am feeling overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, all the things, I forget in the moment to use my calm down skills. The same reminders I give my kids over and over again, I neglect myself. I have to practice. I have to remind myself to practice what I preach. Show my kids how to use these skills in action, in real time, when I am actually frustrated. At age 36, it is hard to emotionally regulate in a productive way each and every time before responding. This is a nice reminder that children are learning this too. Their brains have not yet developed the ability to regulate on their own. They need practice, they need the skill set, they need the help. An easy way to help build this skill set is to model the correct behavior.
Remember, we are human. We are not perfect. We are going to react and over-react at times. However, the more we practice these skills, the more second nature they become. This is the same with our kids. Practice, practice, practice! Have them see you do things well and also have them see you do things not so well. Use that as a teaching moment. For instance, you can say, “Mama should of taken a deep breath when I was frustrated instead of yelling. Next time, I will work on that”. Remember, disciple is all about teaching & learning, not perfection.
Here are a few calm down techniques (parenting edition):
Deep Breaths
Practice taking belly breaths when calm. Place a hand on your chest and stomach. Practice moving just your stomach when breathing. That way you will know how to correctly breathe to calm your body down in the moments of stress.
Counting to 5 or 10
You can count up or down in numbers. It is amazing how the distraction and counting slows your breathing down without you even realizing it.
Taking a Break
Sometimes, putting yourself in a “time-out” can be impactful. This is a great way to model taking a break for your kids.
Screaming into a Pillow
This one sounds so silly but it really can be helpful to release that scream! Cathartic. Give it a try next time and see if it helps.
Body Relaxation
Tense up and then release different areas of your body. Start with your shoulders. Tense up for 3-5 seconds and then relax for 3-5 seconds. Do this 2-3x and add in other parts of the body as well until you feel calm.
Positive Statements
Say a positive statement to yourself over and over. For example, you can say something like, “I am calm and strong” or “I am human and need a break”
You do not need to use all of these. Pick a few that speak to you. That feel easy to do. Practice. The more you use them, the better at it you will be. Trust me, these skills take time to build but once they do, they can be really helpful to handling all the big emotions and reactions our children have.