Nightmare VS Night Terror
There are many changes in toddlerhood that can throw us as parents. You may have a good sleeper and routine and then, boom, night wakings begin again. What is going on? This can be frustrating and troublesome all at the same time. Around age two, children start to develop real fear. They feel that emotion and it is very real. This can make a once seamless bedtime derail and become problematic. This could also be a time when your child has nightmares or a night terror. How do you know what it is? What is the difference between the a nightmare and a night terror?
A nightmare is exactly how it sounds. A nightmare is a scary dream that happens mostly in the second part of night. This happens during a REM sleep cycle. Often times, when a nightmare happens, children will wake crying or screaming. They may call out for you too. Toddlers age two and under have a very hard time understanding if something is real or not. For instance, it might be hard for them to realize that what they just experienced was not real but instead a dream. Between age 2-3 young toddlers are able to distinguish between was is real and what isn't. They may even begin to discuss their dreams with you and remember a dream that occurred the night before. As children get older, they may have a bad dream, wake up, and be able to understand that they are safe because it was “only a dream”. Much like we do for ourselves in those moments.
A night terror is different than a nightmare. A night terror occurs most often in toddlers and preschoolers. They typically take place during the deepest states of sleep. The deepest stages of sleep normally occur in the first part of the night. While night terrors can last as long as 45 minutes, most are much shorter. Most children fall right back to sleep after one because they actually have not been awake. Unlike a nightmare, a child will not remember a night terror.
There are some typical signs of a night terror:
Crying (uncontrollably)
Sweat
Shaking
Breathing Quickly
Have a terrified, confused or glassy-eyed look
Thrash around, scream, kick or stare
Not recognize you or realize you are there
Try to push you away and not want to be held
Don’t wake up
Now that we know the difference between the two, how do we help? Here are ways to troubleshoot. When anything is out of the ordinary with sleep, I always encourage people to go to their child and assess the situation. With my own children, I always pause a few minutes because they are both are very vocal when they dream at times and often will go back to sleep without needing any intervention. You are the expert in your child, and it never hurts to do a check in. For nightmares, It is important to comfort your child but not let them think they should be scared. You can avoid statements like “the dark is scary. I understand it is scary being alone”. Instead, reassure them they are safe and offer a solution. “You are safe, you had a bad dream, lets make your night light brighter so you can see better, does that sound nice?”. Avoid bringing them into your bed because this can become a habit quickly. Instead, comfort them in their own room. If they do not have a night light, add one. Sometimes toddlers around 18months to 2 years of age really start to develop a fear of the dark. Adding in a nightlight can be a game changer. They may not know how to vocalize to you they are scared of the dark, so offer this as a solution. We love our Hatch because the night light can be very dim.
Sticking with solutions for nightmares, depending on your child’s age, discuss the dream. Around age two-three children are able to understand that a dream is different then real life, so discuss this with them. Explain that our minds are so big and smart that sometimes when we dream, we dream big with wild ideas. This is different than real life. Assure them of this. Sometimes these discussions can be fun the next day. You share a silly dream you had and allow the space to discuss the dreaming (good or bad).
There can be a variety of reasons children have bad dreams and/or night terrors. One thing to be sure of, is to re-set when you need to. Overtired kids are more likely to have these types of experiences. Keeping a good sleep schedule can be a great solution. Pay attention to any stress or new experiences your child might be going through. This can also impact our dreams. Just like it does for adults. Talking through big changes and anything stressful during the day can carry over for a nice solution at night time.
Lastly, I always like to think of solutions to do for next time. An idea would be to make a monster spray. For instance, if your child is scared of monsters, fill a spray bottle with water and tell them we will spray the room and only happy thoughts and people can be there. Don’t focus so much on the monster but on the happy! Another good reset for next bedtime is to tell them to think of 2-3 things that make them happy. This will ease their stress at bedtime and become a good solution for after a bad dream. They can start to use this intervention “happy thoughts” and eventually will use on their own as they age.
Night terrors specifically do not need an intervention. I know this sounds weird and is hard because your child is upset, however with a night terror, they are not really awake. The research shows they do not even remember these experiences. They also typically don’t last long. My advice would be to do a brief check, make sure they are safe, and allow the night terror to pass. Typically they are brief 5-20 minutes in length.
As always, follow your gut, you are the expert in your child! And if something feels different then what is described above, always reach out to your pediatrician as well.